Thoughts filled with regret
by nomoreq-ns.JUST.ANS.s
Summary: Just another story. but from my point of view. might get interesting. sorry about the delayedextremely delayed continuance. i had stuff on my mind. there was no mood. a million reasons but here it is. CHAPTER 6.
1. Chapter 1

She watched as each raindrop hit the surface of her fragile glass window. She watched each raindrop trickle down alone and slowly. Soon the droplet merged with other droplets and gained speed in moving down her window. She watched in silence. She tried to forget. Forget that the thought of killing herself had once been in her mind. It seemed like the best thing to do when she was just filled with hurt and pain. She felt angry at herself again and looked down with embarrassment. How could she have been so selfish as to not think how others would feel if she were to die? How dare she think to do so when her mother was fighting for her dear life day after day? She turned her head up again to face the window once more. This time she found her reflection. Only then did she notice that the glass window and she had something in common. They were both just as fragile.

As soon as the rain died away Rory made her way out of her house. She needed to visit her mother. After all she had placed her mother in that hospital bed. She headed for the jeep- her mother's jeep. She started to rely on it for transport after her mother's accident.

Soon the oh-so-familiar building she had grown to dislike appeared and she knew she had to start gathering enough courage to see her mother again. "_Oh please god let her be awake"_ she whispered as she placed her hand on the door handle. As she entered the hospital the awful hospital-smell that she had become used to no longer affected her breathing. She put on a brave face determined to tell her mother what she had gone there to say.

"Good evening Rory. Just wait out here for a while. Let me go inform her that you're here." Jess explained while making his way into her ward.

She grabbed his arm and looked him in the eye_, "_No, it's alright. I'll just wait until she wakes up."

She entered her mother's room and reached out to trap her mother's hand in hers. She gazed down lovingly at her mother sleeping peacefully and wanted to kick herself for doing this to her.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mom? I don't know if you can hear me even through your sleep or maybe you'll just wake up while I tell you this but I just need to tell you this cause I don't want you to feel responsible for what I did, because you're not. I love you mom."

She took a deep breathe.

"I'm sorry mom for trying to do what I did. I can't even say it out aloud."

She paused and took a few deep breaths. Her voice was heavy with emotion and her eyes filled with tears threatening to fall.

She squeezed her mom's hand and continued,"I just thought there was no way out of my problems. I felt so suffocated with everything. I was setting high goals for myself without even consulting me. I know it's pretty weird, but that is how I felt. I felt like I didn't have control over my life anymore. But it wasn't you who was taking that control away from me. It was me.** IT WAS ME**. I wasn't happy mom. I ended up living the life you fought so hard to keep me away from. The life filled with sadness, where everyone tried so hard to build this ridiculous wall around themselves to prevent hurt. But the thing is that they end up getting hurt too. Mom I hurt myself by burying myself in my studies and not allowing anything distract me from studying so that I could finally prove everyone that I could do it. I wanted to prove that I was special. And I'm just sorry mom. Sorry for not telling you this earlier. I'm sorry for so many things but I need you to wake up so that I can know if you forgive me mom. I love you so much."

That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. She came closer, kneeling next to her mother. Rory placed her mother's hand on her cheek hoping that her tears would end.

"_Rory" _

At the sound of her name her head shot up. Her mom looked at her mirroring Rory's emotion of love. Rory immediately got up to reach out to her mom to hug her.

"God, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, mini-me. Wait- OW. Injured person here!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Wait, I'll call jess-"

"Rory, I'm fine. And I forgive you. How can I not. You're my most favorite daughter.i would risk my life for you. Wait- did I just say that? Urm-"Lorelai pretended to be regretting what she said.

Rory stared at her mom open mouthed."What does that mean? I mean I took the trouble to bring you coffe-"

"Oh, sweet, darling, sweet, sweet, intelligent, adorable, gorgeous, smart, witty, sweet,- did I mention sweet?- daughter of mine. Of course I would._" _Lorelai quickly said with a huge grin on her face and batting eyelashes.

Of course this gesture caused Rory to suffer from temporary short-term memory loss. She made her way out of the room to fetch her mom her coffee. After all Gilmores are very cranky without their daily jugs of the dear liquid that provided them with caffeine.


	3. Chapter 3

Rory smiled. Her first smile ever since- she couldn't even remember the last time she truly smiled. She headed toward Jess and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you. Thank you so much_."_ She whispered into his ear.

"Hey, hello! Injured person here needing coffee before I start to wilt and slowly lose all my energy. Soon I'll be growing a white long beard. I'll have wrinkles all over." Suddenly she gasped loudly before wailing loudly in pretend- sobs, "And I'll have a wrinkled butt?RORY. I thought you had coffee. You lied to me and now I'm going to grow old rapidly just because of you."

Lorelai's loud whining was heard by everyone.

Some nurses were shaking their head in frustration. _She's one of the difficult ones_, they concluded silently in their heads.

Rory quickly released herself from their hug and shook her head with a wide grin on her face.

"God, Rory, run quick. Get her coffee before she drives us all mad with frustration**_."_**

Rory turned to run, with one last quick hug she turned and ran madly. Something the Gilmore girls were not famous for doing- exercising. Suddenly Luke appeared in front of her, armed with 4 cups of coffee. She was saved. She grabbed a cup from him saying thank you and ran quickly towards her mom's room.

"Here, here. I've got it."She quickly said as she slid into the room, breathing in and out deeply to try and catch her breath.

"You ran! How could you run? You know that we do not run no matter what." Lorelai grinned at the coffee before her and gulped it down as fast as she could."Ah the elixir of life. Warm, sweet liquid. I NEED MORE."

"Lorelai! You're at a hospital. Use your inside voice not your outside voice. I thought your parents would've told you that when you were younger obviously you need a reminder."Luke became frustrated. Lorelai was whining like a bratty five-year old, if not worse.

Lorelai was about to reply with a smart remark but thought twice about it when her eyes caught sight of more cups of joy. She was about to try her shot at sweet talking her way to the coffee when Luke handed her one to shut her up.

In a few seconds she downed the cup of joy and looked expectantly at Luke

"No more, Lorelai. The rest are for Rory. Don't you dare think of stealing them from her."

Lorelai pouted and stared hard at the side of her bed trying to force out some tears.

"Darn, I think I lost my special power."She mumbled grumpily as she watched Rory gulp down her two cups of joy, just as she did a while ago.

Rory missed this. She missed watching her mom beg Luke for more coffee. She missed being with her mom. She felt so happy remembering that her mom had forgiven her.

Jess entered with a clipboard of the patients details and began, "Lorelai listening to your loud, but very amusing, speedy recovery, I will allow you to be discharge in two days. We just have to make sure the wound is secure and that you are fit enough to be discharged. Jess grinned at her. Also, you don't have to worry about us keeping you hear longer then the two days. In fact we might decide to discharge you tomorrow. You haven't been a good little patient Lorelai. Many of the staff will be rejoicing once you have left the building. And I don't think I will have to worry about seeing you again, seeing as how everyone will be praying very hard for your safety in order to never have to see you here again.EVER."

"Why?" Lorelai questioned with her voice dripping with fake innocence."What did I ever do to them? She sniffed, pretending to be hurt. Nah I'm glad I'll be out of here. This means that I should be able to return to my baby tomorrow right?"

"Yes, Lorelai. If everything goes smoothly and if we don't get unexpected-"he stopped to look Lorelai in the eye**_ ," _**tantrums from a certain someone."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: I don't mean to be sappy. It just comes naturally. Blame it on my friend. She tries too hard to be the ditzy blonde. I mean she totally ignores the fact that in the first place her hair colour doesn't even allow her to be a ditzy BLONDE. Sigh. So forgive me okay, for all the soap opera sap. I'm really predictable. Even I think so.( I think I babble.)

Disclaimer: yada yada blah blah. I don't own the Gilmore girls or anything. I only own my brain with which I use to write my story's chapters with.

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FLASH

Tears streamed down her face and she gripped the wheel with such frustration that it left a faint mark on the spongy surface of the wheel where her hands were. She questioned herself in her thoughts until she found the most suitable answer. But all the answers she came up with all pointed a finger at her accusingly. How could she have been so blind? Why didn't she notice it? Rory had no social life and when she came back to visit she didn't go out much, so how could she have overlooked it? She was beating herself up. Suddenly she screamed of frustration. She felt like such a bad mother. She wanted to rip her own head off. She thanked Paris repeatedly for walking in on Rory or it might have been too late. Her baby might have died and she could only blame herself for not realizing her pain.

Lorelai was so distracted by her thoughts that even as she stared hard ahead of her, while she sped off in her jeep to Rory's Yale dorm, she wasn't aware if she was even going the right way. She increased the speed of her vehicle and gripped the sides of the steering wheel tightly again. She didn't see it coming. No one would have if they were rushing to meet up with a daughter who just tried to kill herself because they were too blind to see that something was wrong. She crashed; crashed pretty badly into a freaking tree (of all the things to crash into).

And now, she was in a hospital room with the two people she loved most and her newly dubbed most favorite doctor, who had just informed her that she could most probably- no scratch that, she will be returning home the next day. She, however, chose to ignore the part that the hospital staff would be celebrating her discharge. In her head she quickly rearranged the words to her likings and concluded that the staff loved her enough to be happy that she was returning home; her home.

Hey peeps, happy New Year. I mean it's finally 2006. And you know wat I dunno why I was looking forward to it in the first place.hehe. I mean im gonna have to get back to school which means more studying and on top of that my form teachers my sch's DM. how great. Im so lucky. Well I know my chapters are short but I have writers block. I can't think of what to write next. But I will continue as soon as I get emotional again.Lol.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR INSULTS OR COMPLIMENTS BEHIND FOR ME TO READ. In other words REVIEW MY VERY FIRST STORY.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters.(they're my imaginary friends)

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"Wow, home at last. It seems bigger. Why does it seem bigger? RORY, DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO OUR HOUSE?" Lorelai frantically searched around the house in desperation, needing to find some sort of tool that would prove her suspicions right.

" I know it's here somewhere."

She mumbled as Rory stared at her annoyed, yet with that little bit of amusement that seems to appear naturally whenever her mother's nearby.

She crept behind Lorelai and grabbed her at the waist hugging her mom as tightly as possible and breathing in her constant coffee fragrance.

"I missed you so much." Lorelai got hold of Rory's hands and unclasped them from her. She turned around and gave her daughter a wide grin before giving her a big bear hug.

"Where do you want your lug-" Luke watched the mother-daughter reunion in their territory and for a moment felt like he was intruding in their moment and slowly backed out of the door.

Lorelai's eyes snapped opened as Luke's shoe squeaked accidentally while he tried to creep SILENTLT backwards. (Think t-rex in the land before time animated movie, when cera heads the unconscious t-rex until he wakes and gives her the EYE)

" LUKE, come 'ere you big soft toy", she smiled.

He approached them cautiously, two Gilmore girls, staring at his every move, with the usual evil glint in their eye. Finally, he got within their reach. They grabbed him, including him in their hug, and messed his hair. When released from their 'evil' grip, he looked like a grumpy small boy.

"What the heck was that?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"What? You looked unloved. We just decided to give you some of our love."

She looked ecstatic after annoying Luke, like always. All she needed to do was clap her hands together repeatedly and she would look like the unnaturally gleeful toy monkey that would clang its symbol, attached to its hands permanently, psychotically.

"So", she thought, "finally back home." They were back home. They both breathed in deeply, taking in the smell that they fondly remembered as home.

Home sweet home.

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REVIEW ME.review me. review me. we can't deny givng it what it wants. so review! ;-) (im a bit psychotic-not literally) 


	6. Chapter 6

A MUST READ!

ME AGAIN: To clear things up, unlike what the dr. said Lorelai had to stay in the hospital a few days more so that she could return home without the cast. But she was still slightly too weak to walk up the stairs so Rory slept upstairs while Lorelai slept down. About Rory and school-, well you'll just have to wait for it. ENJOY!

She crawled into her mother's bed, under the covers trying to muffle her sobs with the thickness of the comforter. She didn't want to be discovered but she needed the comfort of the warmth that her mother's mother provided her with. She had missed her mom so much. When her mom finally came back home beneath the happiness there was a part of her that knew she needed to explain herself. The fear and the dread that was running through her was unbearable, she had to let it out in tears.

"Rory? Honey, what's wrong? It's okay mommy's here, sshhh." Lorelai rocked her daughter while she cried; wondering what was bothering her daughter.

Rory tried to speak. Her words mumbled and tangled with sobs but Lorelai heard her baby's words loud and clear;

"Mom, I'm sorry"

Lorelai didn't know what to say. She knew exactly what Rory was talking about, but didn't really understand why she was apologizing; if anyone were to apologise it should be her, not Rory. She just clung to Rory until they both fell asleep.

Rory awoke to the smell of coffee. "LUKE? LUKE? LUKE'S HERE AND YOU DIDN'T WAKE ME UP? MOM!" she screamed in an accusing tone while getting up and rushing out of the room. She inhaled deeply; reluctant to exhale for fear that the scent would escape along with the air.

"RORY! YOURE GOING TO END UP SUFFOCATING!" Luke lectured her.

"How did you kn-" sometimes Rory wondered how he knew so much and yet didn't know he was in love with her mom, or if he knew how could he be so dumb as not to act on it. She averted her gaze around the room. "Where's Mom?"

"She's in the bathroom. Don't worry; she had her coffee fix before heading in there" Luke was setting up the table for breakfast.

Rory rushed up to brush her teeth so that she could down a few mugs of coffee. When she came back down her mom was already out of the bathroom and seated at the kitchen table. "Aw, you started without me!" whined Rory after inspecting her mother's mug and concluding that it was half-empty. Rory took her seat and downed her mug of coffee before stuffing her face with Luke's muffins.

"Urm, Rory, I understand your hungry but chew and swallow!" Luke lecturing again, she smiled. He was like a father figure for her since daddy dearest had his own kiddo to look after; don't get her wrong, she loved GiGi it's just that sometimes it felt unfair to her that she could never experience him as her dad and yet her half-sister could.

"So Rory, you have any plans for today? I thought maybe you'd like to hang out with me and we'd go shopping or whatever" Lorelai told her. "Alright, it'll be great. Just the two of us; there is this garden-park near school. You want to head over there, we could have a picnic?"

"Okay, sure. It's a date", she winked, "Luke, can you provide us with the food goodies?"

AN: be prepared for more. Oh my gosh. I didn't realize my mistake about the 'u' well it's all cleared now. Thanks to primesetter31 for letting me know about it. Plus side: my holidays are coming up. woohoo. REVIEW ME.


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